Useful Mess

Those people I most want to impress I always cower from despite my greatest efforts. A blessing from a God who knows my insides, my downfalls. Who knows that if I did impress I would fall to my face in pride. My flesh longs to impress the ones who walk with the Spirit, as if I actually could impress God’s Spirit when He already sees the way I compare, the way I measure my progress, and deny all the worth He’s given me for the fruitless attempts I make at finding pleasure in being better. Fleshly attempts at satisfaction that always leave me in a rut, and I stand there in front of the people I admire most as shy and empty as I can be. And He reminds me of my brokenness and humbles me to bring me to Him. And I come again empty handed and here I am worthless and given all worth in the arms of a God who gave me that worth while I was yet sinning, while I was still making my mess. He loves me and that is all, all that matters, and He uses each person I try to impress to make me see my mess, and remind me that He loved me in the midst of it. It is in acknowledging my mess that His strength is made perfect and there His grace abounds. But so often I try to let no one see my mess. Its always my mess though that He uses to draw my eyes off myself onto the One who matters, so that I can see past my work, past my progress to the One who has done all that work and made all the progress because I never could. I’m not a mess, not really. I am found in Him and perfect, and I will strive to abide in Him, but so often I deny that and live in my mess. I’m still flesh, I still make messes, so let me live my life acknowledging my mess. When my bed is unmade, let people see, so they know I am just like them. When my heart is unmade, unled by the Spirit, let the mess show and be useful. Let the mess be a blessing to another heart and let it bring my own heart to my knees before the One who has already bore all the weight of it on the tree.

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

Emily Freeman on Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life. So excited to find out about the resources she offers. Emily is what she calls, a recovering good girl out to embrace life as a grace dweller. She talks about her struggles with insecurity and journey to rediscover God’s grace. I can relate to her in so many ways. Enjoy…

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

Oxygen – gifted life

I am a mother, and only a mother fully knows all the joy, hardship, love, weight and terror that that word can carry. A word that means so many things. A mother is a giver of life. She gives the gift of herself away in so many pieces, in so many ways. Mother is the oxygen to a soul that needs her every minute. As if an oxygen tank that was rolled beside a person had a mind of its own, because thats what mothers do. They stay alongside this little person nearly all day and sometimes do little else besides just be the source for them, and sometimes in the monotony of it all, in the loss of getting to just be you, to breathe in oxygen on your own, its so easy to forget how important you are. Its so easy to forget what a grand role you play in life. Even though, the person may never look to the oxygen tank for what they are, the oxygen tank must remember their worth and know that as their sacrifice is in accordance with God’s will (1 Peter 4) they are living the gospel, even though it may not seem like it. Even though despite all the love you give your children, even though you gift your life to them, they continue to kick and fight, mother must remember that she is their source and is living out the good news, because though it cannot compare, and is only such a very small parallel, she is living out her life for her children, as Jesus lived out His life for her and she is bearing them testimony to that simply by her life. In the sacrifice of every minute she is identifying with Jesus in His life, and He is beautiying her through it all to make her a more presentable bride for Himself, with each diaper change, each kick in the rocking chair, He is sanctifying her every part, lovingly setting her apart to be His. With each sacrificing moment I give as a mother, He gives a much greater sacrifice. He gave His life in every part, every way I have not sacrificed despite all mother means. He suffered all for me. Mother is a constant reminder of what He did and in a very small way a constant opportunity to identify with Christ and live His Gospel in this sacred calling of motherhood.

“For this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” – 2 Cor. 4:17

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

Losing my step

Night was long, baby slept, baby woke, repeat, repeat, repeat. Forget the alarm clock then, but baby woke way too early. Lazy start to today. Restart button. Diaper changed, baby fed, husband kissed, somewhat quiet time, breakfast served, husband fed, meals planned, diaper changed, errands run, groceries bought, feeling accomplished, but the bed is still not made. Laundry washed, lunch cooked, husband, baby fed. Diaper changed, baby rocked, baby napping. Dishes rinsed, toys picked up, apartment straightened, two sentences of my book written and baby woke too early. Clothes to dry, next on to do list? Those decorating- on-a- budget projects that started months ago are still sitting.

But baby is upset, and hasn’t had much attention from me today, and there inside that little girls body is a soul that will last forever that I’m responsible for, a responsibility that trumps everything else on my to do list. But she’s fussy and if I play with her now will that just enforce bad habits? But if I leave her to cry will she feel abandoned? Will she think I don’t love her? Will that affect her in the long run? Well, I really have no idea, but I know I’m responsible for loving her so I sit and play with baby, bed still unmade, projects still waiting and try to figure out why I can’t get the hang of this mommy dance that still seems so new sometimes. This dance that I repeat again and again and again, but that tries to throw in a new step every day. Will I ever know what the answer is for how to respond to her in these every day situations? Will I ever get this dance down? But maybe getting the dance down isn’t the point…

Maybe the point is finding grace in every step, learning to give my every step to Him. Maybe it’s realizing that He’s already danced the dance of life perfectly and that He did it for me. If I seek Him, He will be faithful to guide me and sometimes I won’t seek Him and I will lose my step. But sometimes its in those moments when I lose my step that I see the Gospel more clearly. I can try my best to dance, to dance in Him, but even when I mess up, I can still enjoy the dance and come bold to the One who danced it perfectly, because that’s the Gospel. I never have to live guilty. Not because He’s accepted my imperfect dance, but because He’s accepted the Son’s perfect dance as mine. I don’t have to bear all the responsibility for the weight of raising this soul. He’s in my yoke with me and as I rely on Him, He will push the yoke for me. And with Him here, I can enjoy this dance and even when my sight comes off of Him and I lose my step, I can dance on boldly before Him pouring out my every need, trusting that He’ll work out my failures for good… even when the bed is still unmade.

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

How to Plan Neglect: Saying No to Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best

How to Plan Neglect: Saying No to Good Things So We Can Say Yes to the Best