Love’s Beautiful Mess

Almost a week since our new little Liesel was born. She’s my cuddle bug and she’s surprised us in how easy-going she seems to be. New life is beautiful. New life in her, new life in me.

I’m learning to rest in the new, in the fresh reminder to remember God’s benefits, (Psalm 103:2-3) to remember my newness in the newness of my daughter. She too is a precious gift who He points me to the Gospel with. For now, I look at the newness in her and remember it, she is new, and I am made new in my Jesus. The miracle of birth takes place in me as I experience the miracle of being found in my Jesus and the new creation He makes in me.

Learning to take my Nano’s advice to let the Lord be my shield. (Psalm 3) To be my shield against hormones and fears and doubts and all the senseless worries that want to fill my head. When I feel inadequate He is “my glory and the lifter of my head.”

Learning to Love two daughters together, that that’s messy, but to let it be messy because it’s beautiful… That was the theme of the Curious George movie I watched with Amayah the other night. Thankful for lessons learned even in the cute, silly ways… Loving both is messy because sometimes I have to give Liesel attention and Amayah doesn’t understand, and sometimes I give too much attention to one and not enough to the other and sometimes I just want time to slow down so I can enjoy them both better and there’s a million other worries along with that. But I can never know the beauty of Love without plunging into the beautiful mess of it. I want to give my Love fully, not cautiously, and living messy is the only way to do that. I want to enjoy these moments with my girls and that means just Loving and letting it all come out messy. And maybe Love is just that way all around… a beautiful mess.

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

Keeping Ready: Birth and Grace

Setting up the changing station, putting clean sheets in the bassinet, hanging curtains to block the light, I’m preparing our home for Liesel. It’s not the only way I’m preparing. I go to doctor’s appointments, try to put good protein in my diet, and take vitamins for her to care for her now, though I can’t hold her, can’t see her. It’s because I believe she’s alive and that I’ll hold her soon. I’m preparing myself to give birth to her… I read up on the birth process, and do my workouts to gain strength for labor. It’s because I’ll soon hold her and care for her physically that I wash these clothes and stack them neatly in the dresser and ensure the bottles and toys are clean and ready to use. These are just some of the ways I’ve been preparing for her, for the birth that I know is imminent. This preparation, it affects just about every aspect of my life right now and this is my reminder to hold on to. This is one way He’s pointing me to the Gospel again. Because when Bro. Robby asks how our lives are affected by the knowledge of His coming, this is where that question takes me. Because if the knowledge of my baby’s coming affects my life this much, how does the knowledge of my Savior’s coming affect me?

The car seat, the bassinet, the diaper changing station, the baby clothes and toys… I’m keeping it all clean and ready with my bag packed for the hospital stay. She could come any time and I’m putting forward the effort every day to be ready for her. And my Savior’s coming is imminent too and how am I keeping ready? Grace trains us to wait for the blessed hope of His appearing. (Titus 2:11-14) It trains us to wait ready, not quitting life, but being prepared, expectantly, eagerly waiting. I don’t stand at the door, bag in hand waiting for the labor pains to come so I know to go to the hospital. And the ten virgins in Christ’s parable (Mt. 25) took a nap while they were waiting for the bridegroom, but five of those virgins slept expectantly with the oil for their lamps on hand, ready to trim the wick of their lamp and go out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were waiting, prepared even in sleep. And maybe the Titus passage gives me a better idea of what that kind of waiting looks like.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.” Titus 2:11-14

A life of waiting is marked by renouncing sin and striving after godliness, (Vs. 12) but it’s grace alone that trains us to live that way. (Vs. 11-12) Waiting ready is living in the light of grace. Grace is our lamp. We keep the oil always ready for the lamp of grace. We cling to the work our God has done, because it’s there that grace lights up our hearts, holding to the treasures of our moments that point to the grace of Jesus’ gift. Jesus who gave His life from the manger to the cross to become our life, the life that frees us from sin and makes us beautiful to be called His bride. That is the waiting, that is the lamp I daily keep ready. (Vs. 14)

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Hoping to keep up with the blog better now that I’ve finished the book. More to come on lessons from life with baby. :)

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.