Losing my step

Night was long, baby slept, baby woke, repeat, repeat, repeat. Forget the alarm clock then, but baby woke way too early. Lazy start to today. Restart button. Diaper changed, baby fed, husband kissed, somewhat quiet time, breakfast served, husband fed, meals planned, diaper changed, errands run, groceries bought, feeling accomplished, but the bed is still not made. Laundry washed, lunch cooked, husband, baby fed. Diaper changed, baby rocked, baby napping. Dishes rinsed, toys picked up, apartment straightened, two sentences of my book written and baby woke too early. Clothes to dry, next on to do list? Those decorating- on-a- budget projects that started months ago are still sitting.

But baby is upset, and hasn’t had much attention from me today, and there inside that little girls body is a soul that will last forever that I’m responsible for, a responsibility that trumps everything else on my to do list. But she’s fussy and if I play with her now will that just enforce bad habits? But if I leave her to cry will she feel abandoned? Will she think I don’t love her? Will that affect her in the long run? Well, I really have no idea, but I know I’m responsible for loving her so I sit and play with baby, bed still unmade, projects still waiting and try to figure out why I can’t get the hang of this mommy dance that still seems so new sometimes. This dance that I repeat again and again and again, but that tries to throw in a new step every day. Will I ever know what the answer is for how to respond to her in these every day situations? Will I ever get this dance down? But maybe getting the dance down isn’t the point…

Maybe the point is finding grace in every step, learning to give my every step to Him. Maybe it’s realizing that He’s already danced the dance of life perfectly and that He did it for me. If I seek Him, He will be faithful to guide me and sometimes I won’t seek Him and I will lose my step. But sometimes its in those moments when I lose my step that I see the Gospel more clearly. I can try my best to dance, to dance in Him, but even when I mess up, I can still enjoy the dance and come bold to the One who danced it perfectly, because that’s the Gospel. I never have to live guilty. Not because He’s accepted my imperfect dance, but because He’s accepted the Son’s perfect dance as mine. I don’t have to bear all the responsibility for the weight of raising this soul. He’s in my yoke with me and as I rely on Him, He will push the yoke for me. And with Him here, I can enjoy this dance and even when my sight comes off of Him and I lose my step, I can dance on boldly before Him pouring out my every need, trusting that He’ll work out my failures for good… even when the bed is still unmade.

My prayer is that you find God's grace pouring through your insecure moments. In this audio series, you'll receive a few quiet minutes of encouragement each month free in your email inbox. I hope it helps you find sweet gifts inside the feelings.

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