Change has a way of bringing questions to our mind. What if this is the wrong decision? What if I regret this? What if it never gets this good again? What if? Change has a way of closing doors sometimes before we see the next door open. And we can choose to never close the doors on the things we already know, and in doing that we would instead close the doors that stood open before us. And then again we could ask ourselves what if? What if that was the door we were supposed to walk through?
But really, as a child of God, I don’t have to live in the what if. Because I’m dancing this life in the shelter of the Person of Christ.
Dancing has been on my mind since I started a daily dance workout routine last week. It’s a good way to get a workout at home even when my girls are around, and I’ve absolutely enjoyed it. I’ve done clumsy dancing boldly this week because it gives me a good workout, and if I’m clumsy, my family just gets a laugh out of it. In fact, the more clumsy I am, the more enjoyment they do get. I admire people who can willingly offer their clumsy selves even with people they barely know, and maybe I have a long way to go. But dancing like that on a regular basis, even if it just be with my family, has had a really strange way of helping me be more bold in other ways too.
I’ve been enjoying thinking of life like dancing. I want so much to get the dance down, to not make mistakes, to dance flawlessly, to live without falling down. I want to know the right steps to take, the right doors to go through, the right way to move. But when my focus on that is bigger than my focus on living freely in the Person of Christ, I become the self-conscious dancer.
The bold dancer and the self-conscious dancer can mess up just as much. The only difference is that the bold dancer knows that her mistakes can still bring others delight and she’s okay with that. She doesn’t try to mess up on purpose, but she is okay with the fact that she will mess up, knowing her mistakes can be the best gift of the dance to the people looking on.
The self-conscious dancer desperately wants to offer perfection. The only problem is that she can’t. I know the self-conscious dancer well. I wear her shoes on many days. She is at odds between what she is trying to offer and what she is actually offering. She wants so much to offer the dance right that she forgets to offer it freely – as a gift, mistakes and all.
When we deeply know that we are dancing in the shelter of Christ’s Person, that is where we dance life freely – no matter where on earth we are.
A couple of years ago I was writing out my thoughts as I tried to look at daily mommy life as a dance. And today, as I look at life’s transitions, the same idea still applies.
“Will I ever know what the answer is…? Will I ever get this dance down? But maybe getting the dance down isn’t the point…
Maybe the point is finding grace in every step, learning to give my every step to Him. Maybe it’s realizing that He’s already danced the dance of life perfectly and that He did it for me. If I seek Him, He will be faithful to guide me and sometimes I won’t seek Him and I will lose my step. But sometimes its in those moments when I lose my step that I see the Gospel more clearly. I can try my best to dance, to dance in Him, but even when I mess up, I can still enjoy the dance and come bold to the One who danced it perfectly, because that’s the Gospel. I never have to live guilty. Not because He’s accepted my imperfect dance, but because He’s accepted the Son’s perfect dance as mine. I don’t have to bear all the weight of the life that is before me. He’s in my yoke with me and as I rely on Him, He will push the yoke for me. And with Him here, I can enjoy this dance and even when my sight comes off of Him and I lose my step, I can dance on boldly before Him pouring out my every need, trusting that He’ll work out my failures for good.”
As I accept change in my life, I may not always make the perfect choice, and that’s okay. I won’t try to make a choice that turns out bad, but when I do I can dance on boldly knowing He can use each choice I’ve made. God has accepted Christ’s perfect dance as mine and I am free to dance boldly as a person found in Him, even when the dance takes on a new scene.